Class and crass

Despite the disclaimer in the last entry, I'm going to write about the Olympics again, if only briefly.  The nice thing about being retired is that you can watch all the Olympic coverage you want.  And not just NBC and USA, even those weird DIRECTV channels I'd never heard of before.  Anyway, this is about volleyball.  Way back in high school, I had played volleyball in gym class.  And then again in college, so I knew the rules.  A match is 15 points, you have to win by 2, and only the serving team can score.  Or so I thought.

When I was watching the Olympic beach volleyball (remember the Silent Laciga Brothers?) I noticed that the rules were different.  A match went to 25 points, and they weren't using side-out scoring, either.  Either team could score a point.  I thought this was just due to beach volleyball being a spinoff of "real" volleyball.  But then on the final day, when USA was playing Brazil in "real" 6-on-6 volleyball, they were using the same crazy rules.

So I decided to look this up, and found that the rules had been changed in 1999.  That was three Olympics ago.  At this point I'm starting to feel kinda like Inspector Clouseau.  You have to get up pretty early in the morning to slip one by me, huh?  If you change the rules, I'll figure it out nine years later.  I blame this on work.  If I hadn't been spending so much time at that flight service station, I could have stayed on top of this other stuff.

Anyway, I miss the Olympics already.  And since it's over I had to search elsewhere for entertainment, so I went to see the movie Tropic Thunder.  It's hard to find a segue when you're going from the sublime to the ridiculous, but that's the difference between class and crass.

I will not actually review Tropic Thunder.  Let me first say that if you didn't find something offensive in this movie, you just weren't looking hard enough.  There was something in there to offend everyone, even when they weren't lampooning every Viet Nam movie ever made.  I'm not a big fan of political correctness, so that really doesn't bother me.  The problem is that while most of the movie was cleverly written, a lot of it could have been written by teenagers.

There are over-the-top performances by Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Tom Cruise, among others.  Jack Blackis always over the top, but this time he was waaaaaay over the top.  Tom Cruise was uncredited, and this role supposed to be a secret, although the story leaked out on the Internet.  Not to me, of course, because I'm oblivious (see above, volleyball.)  And if it hadn't been pointed out to me, I wouldn't even have recognized him in his fat suit and balding wig.  Again, remember that I'm the guy who didn't pick up on the new volleyball rules for nine years.

The problem with the movie is that mixed in with all the inside references to other movies is a large amount of gross, sophmoric humor.  It's hard to pick out subtle clues when they keep hitting you over the head with a sledge hammer.  If I saw this movie three or four more times, I might pick up some of the stuff I missed, but I don't think anyone over the age of 18 could watch Tropic Thunder that many times and not suffer brain damage.

Lastly, here is an example.  I didn't know the movie had started, and thought I was watching an advertisement for an energy drink.  It was called Booty Sweat.  When I said crass, I meant it.  But if you want to see for yourself, you can actually buy it now.  Amazon sells Booty Sweat by the case.

http://www.amazon.com/Booty-Sweat-8-4-Ounce-Pack/dp/B001D3O9SW/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1219996019&sr=8-1

Closing thoughts

OK, that's it for the Olympics for another four years.  Don't tell me about Vancouver.  I don't do snow.  People slipping and sliding around on ice and snow is not my idea of sports.  Looking back at the past two weeks, the Chinese put on a great show.  As far as memorable performances go, Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt, women's gymnastics, and Team USA basketball come to mind.  Soccer goalie Hope Solo is entitled to the biggest "I told you so" in recent memory.

I suppose the greatest controversy of the Beijing games is that 5 of their 6 gymnasts could be underage.  I don't care.  Setting the minimum age at 16 is purely arbitrary, and amounts to nothing more than age discrimination.  If we can change our voting age and drinking age, there is no reason the gymnastics federation can't change its minimum age.  If a 14-year-old diver can represent Great Britain at the Olympics, then 14-year-old gymnasts should be allowed to compete.  I want to see the best gymnasts in the world, not just the youngest or oldest.

On a related subject, I have to mention rhythmic gymnastics.  If I know next to nothing about "regular" gymnastics, then I know less than nothing about rhythmic gymnastics.  It's an obscure sport that I remember watching even twenty or thirty years ago, and I didn't understand it then, either.

It isn't very big in America.  As far as I can tell, all of the competitors come from former Soviet republics, and they're all named Ludmilla or Olga, or something like that.  I'm not sure, but I think when a girl grows up to be too tall to be a "real" gymnast, she goes into rhythmic gymnastics.  They perform their exercise routines with a piece of equipment like a hula hoop or a pair of batons.  Those don't interest me, but they also perform with a ribbon that must be about 20 feet long.

That's what caught my eye.  It's the image of a girl waving this streamer all over the place while she dances around inside it.  The color of the ribbon is coordinated with her leotard, and the visual effect can be mesmerizing.  They should dump the hula hoop and batons, and just have the girls wave that big, long ribbon thing around.  I can't tell a good performance from a bad one, but I actually recorded a couple of hours of it, and saved it on DVD.

As far as basketball is concerned, the 11-point victory over Spain shows that America needs its best players in the Olympics.  It would have been nice to have had Tim Duncan in that game, but he wasn't interested.

On the track, there was Usain Bolt breaking a world record without even trying.  Speaking of track, maybe they could design a new baton for relay races, something with a handle on it?

I missed seeing George F. Bush at the closing ceremony.  The opening ceremony was one of the most amazing shows ever staged, but it couldn't hold his interest.  The cameras caught him looking at his watch.  It reminded me of his father getting caught looking at his watch during a presidential debate.  Then he left the USA-China basketball game in the middle of the fourth quarter.  A billion people would have given anything for that seat, but they had to waste a ticket on him.  George F. Bush, in a few months, we will finally be rid of you.

That's all for the Olympics.  Now I will go back to writing about the boring and mundane matters of economics and finance.

USA 118, Spain 107, and all is right with the world

Second verse, same as the first.  Spain got its rematch with Team USA, and the game was a lot closer than I wanted it to be, but in the end Kobe, LeBron the rest pulled away to win by 118-107.

The first quarter looked more like a track meet, with the USA up 38-31.  With Kobe and LeBron in foul trouble, USA wasn't playing defense, but Wade came off the bench with a monster game, scoring 21 points in the first half, as USA led 69-61.

But the Americans could never pull away.  This was the first time their lack of size hurt them, as Pau Gasol scored about a million points, mostly on dunks and layups.  They had to keep Dwight Howard in the game for his defense, and his poor foul shooting kept things close.  How close?  With 8:13 left in the game, Team USA was clinging to a 2-point lead.

But then Kobe took over, making one big play after another to keep Spain at bay.  With 3:06 left, he hit a three, and was fouled to complete a 4-point play.  With USA ahead by 8, he put his finger to his lips to shush the crowd.  The game was finally decided when Chris Paul was fouled, and Spain committed a technical foul.  It didn't matter that Paul hasn't missed a free throw since he was 12 years old.  With the Olympic gold medal on the line, Kobe was going to take those two free throws, and Spain was done.

Throughout the tournament, it was TEAM USA that won every game, not a collection of stars.  Coach K went with an 8 or 9 man rotation that left stars like Carlos Boozer stuck on the bench.  All-Stars accepted being role players for the honor of representing their country, and that was the difference between this team and the one that played in Athens.  The 2008 version is a championship team, without the aloofness, arrogance, and poor sportsmanship of its predecessor.

There were a few more track and field events.  The Jamaican mens 4 x 100 relay team was heavily favored, especially since most of its competition forgot how to pass a baton, and didn't make it out of the prelims.  With Bolt and Powell running the last two legs, they demolished the world record.  Jamaica's women's relay team was also favored, but they couldn't figure out how to pass a baton, either.  In fact, they botched their baton pass so badly that they interfered with Great Britain, and knocked their team out of the competition too.  Lane?  What lane?  Maybe those track stars think all of those white lines are painted there just for decoration.

And now, since the basketball game kept me up half the night, I need some sleep.

Youth and skill defeat age and stupidity

I had an idea for a movie script.  It's a story about women's soccer.  The American team is playing in the World Cup, but in the semi-final they have to play Brazil, a traditional soccer powerhouse.  The American team has a chance, because they have a hot goalie, who has shut out their last three opponents.

But the coach decides to bench the young goalie in favor of an older veteran because...well, because the coach is an idiot.  Actually he wanted to go with a more experienced veteran who had already played against Brazil, but the real reason is that he's an idiot.

Brazil proceeds to shell the veteran goalie, and the rout is on.  Team USA gets blown out, losing to Brazil 4-0.  Here's where the story takes a twist.  The young goalie is irate at being benched after she had played so well, and vents her feelings to the press.  Among other things, she says she would have made those saves.

When the idiot coach hears about this, he is irate.  Surprisingly, incompetent people in positions of authority do not respond well to being told they are incompetent.  (This also applies to managers in corporations, government, and so on, but I digress.)  So the coach (did I mention that he's an idiot?) promptly kicks her off the team, and will not allow her to play in the consolation game for the bronze medal.

Her teammates are even worse, taking the cattiness to a new level.  Women being women, they completely ostracize her, refusing to eat meals with her, and don't even allow her to fly home on the plane with the rest of the team.

When the idiot coach gets home, he is fired because he's an idiot who benched the only player who could have given him a chance to beat Brazil.  A new coach is hired, and she's not an idiot.  It so happens that the following year is an Olympic year, and the new coach asks the players to take back the young goalie.  Some of them still don't like her, but they understand that they'll need her to have any chance of winning.

So the young goalie is on the Olympic team, and her teammates are professional enough to play with her even though they still resent her.  The team gets off to a rocky start in the Olympics, losing its first game.  But then they settle down, and actually make it to the finals, where they will play for the gold medal against...mighty Brazil!

Brazil is much better than Team USA, and they dominate the game.  They have two of the best attackers in the world, and they shred the porous American defense, firing one shot after another on goal.  The only thing Brazil can't do is score.  Because would you believe it?  The young goalie really DOES make those saves.  She turns back one shot after another, making great saves, making saves when she's screened by other players, almost single-handedly keeping America in the game.

Regulation ends in a scoreless tie, but six minutes into the extra time period, Team USA finally manages to score a goal, and they go on to upset mighty Brazil 1-0.  So one year after being booted off the national team, the goalie is now an Olympic champion, standing on the top step of the award platform with a gold medal around her neck, listening to the national anthem.

The problem with this script is that it's too far fetched.  No one would believe it.  If you brought this improbable story to a Hollywood producer, he'd throw you out of his office on your ear.  In fact, the only thing this story has going for it is that it's all true.  It happened this past week.  The goalie's name is Hope Solo, and the idiot coach's name is...well, he's an idiot, so he doesn't even deserve to have his name mentioned in my blog.

And that is why I watch the Olympics.  Every once in a while, justice is served.

Don't cry for me Argentina

Payback is a bitch.  Four years ago, Argentina eliminated Team USA in the semi-finals and went on to win the basketball gold medal.  Today Team USA returned the favor, winning 101-81.

The Americans took control early.  Argentina couldn't do anything right, and their leader Obi Wan Ginobili picked up two quick fouls in the first five minutes.  Then when it looked like things couldn't get any worse, Ginobili was injured and had to limp off the court.  Team USA had said they can't expect to blow teams out in the first quarter, but they ran up a 21-4 lead, and the quarter ended 30-11.

This looked like it was going to be the mother of all blowouts, with Argentina losing its best player.  But the second quarter was a strange reversal of fortune as Argentina went to a zone defense, and Team USA went to sleep.  The Americans held the ball, over-dribbled, and settled for outside jumpers, which they missed.  Argentina kept chipping away, and cut the lead to 6.  There was the usual strange international officiating, but basically Team USA stopped running, got no points off turnovers, no points in the paint...well, you get the idea.  At the half the USA still led 49-40, and that was only because of a ticky-tack foul that gave Camelo Anthony 3 free throws.

In the third quarter the Americans went back to basics, started attacking the zone.  It paid off as Argentina's big men got into foul trouble, and Team USA pulled away.  But even though Argentina didn't have much depth to begin with, and now they were undermanned, they were still in the game till the end, even though they never threatened again.  Before the Olympics started, I thought there would be some close games, and I guess this one qualifies, because it was a lot closer than it should have been.

The final game of the tournament will be a rematch with Spain, which Team USA pasted by 37 points last time around.  Spain has 5 or 6 players who have played (or will play) in the NBA, but this time it looks they may be missing their point guard Jose Calderon.  I think it's a good bet that Spain will be playing zone early and often.  But I don't think it will matter.

Gymnastics note:  even though the gymastics competition was over, some of the champions performed in a gymastics gala.  There were no judges, no scoring, and mercifully, no Bela.

I don't which sport has the smartest athletes, but I know which sport has the dumbest ones.  Track.  Hands down, with nothing else even close.  The US Mens 4 x 100 relay team was a medal contender, but failed to even qualify for the finals because they dropped the baton in their semi-final heat.  They DID manage to complete TWO of the three necessary passes, but Tyson Gay dropped the baton, and that was that.

Not to be outdone, THREE other relay teams were also disqualified because passing a baton around the track was too complicated for them, too.  Then in the other semi-final heat, two more teams were disqualified.  So a total of 6 out of 16 relay teams, including all three of the medalists at Athens, were disqualified. 

Then came the Womens 4 x 100 meter relay semi-final heat.  Again, Team USA was a medal favorite.  Again, Team USA did not make it into the finals, as they were disqualified, because...you guessed it!  They dropped the baton!  The damn thing only weighs 2 ounces.  How hard is it to pass a baton around the track without dropping it?

We also had the pleasure of watching Usain Bolt of Jamaica, who looks like a man running against boys.  Track needs more characters like him.  He had already won the 100 meter dash, breaking the world record despite slowing down in the last 15 meters to wave his arms and pound his chest.  Then he won the 200 meters, only this time he was serious and broke Michael Johnson's record, which had stood for 12 years, and looked unapproachable.

And on top of that, he didn't have a lot of competition.  Because BOTH the silver and bronze medalists were disqualified.  They didn't have to do anything complicated, like passing a baton, either.  All they had to do was stay in their lanes, but they couldn't manage that.  Sometimes I think their coaching sessions go something like this:

Runner:  Me run track.

Coach:  Stay in your lane.

Runner:  Me run fast.

Coach:  OK, but remember to stay in your lane.

Runner:  Lane?  What lane?

These are world class sprinters, and they're making mistakes you wouldn't expect to see at high school track meets.  I think I'm going to start rooting for Jamaica. 

 

 

Crikey! Australia loses by 31

In their first game of the medal round, Team USA ran into a very physical Australian team.  There were some hard fouls, as they tried to take the Americans out of their game.  At the end of the first quarter, the score was tied, but that was because Team USA couldn't buy a three, and they were shooting their free throws like Shaq.  Australia's shooting kept them in the game early, but the Americans were dominating inside, playing volleyball on the offensive boards.

By halftime Team USA was up by 12, and Australia's olympic experience was about to come to an end.  In every game so far, it has only been a matter of time before the Americans got their transition game going, and went on a big run to break the game open.  Against Germany, they started the game that way.  Against Australia, they started the second half that way.  Once they get out in the open court, good luck stopping LeBronze or Wade on his way to the basket.  The problem for the rest of the world is that there are some guys who can guard LeBronze, but they all play for Team USA. Four minutes later, Australia was down 23, Bucks' star Andrew Bogut was hobbling to the bench on a bad ankle, and that was all she wrote.  Final score USA 116, Australia 85.

On to gymnastics.  Thanks to Tivo, I can fast forward through everything else, and find womens gymnastics.  At least I thought I had when I saw a girl doing somersaults and bouncing up and down.  False alarm.  It was the Trampoline.  How about that?  Trampoline is an Olympic sport now.  Trampoline!  And in prime time, no less!  So what's next?  Origami?  Flower arranging?

The gymnastics came later.  The battle on the Uneven Bars came down to He Kexin of China, who looks like she's maybe 13 years old, and Nastia Liukin of the USA, the all-around champion.  They had identical scores, but He won on a tie-breaker.  My first thought was, oh boy - a controversy!  Think Bela will have something to say about this?

But first, someone needs to tell Al Trautwig the cold war is over.  His commentary reminded me of the 70's, where every athletic event was a life-or-death struggle between east and west.  At the awards ceremony, Trautwig said, "Does He Kexin really think she's won the gold medal?"

Yes, she does.  The  fact that she was standing on the top step might have given her a clue.  And the gold medal she had draped around her neck must have been a dead giveaway.  And for what it's worth, I thought she won it, too.  I can't comment on the accuracy of the judges because I'm not qualified.  Maybe the Australian judge woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day.  But they followed the rules, and that's all that mattered.

Of course this led to another Encounter with Bela, and I'm still not sure what he said.  Nothing like a controversy to make ol' Bela's blood boil.  I really wish I had one of those universal translators they used on Star Trek.  At the very least, NBC should have provided us with a Bela-to-English dictionary, or maybe English subtitles when Bela was talking.

Fortunately they had Tim Daggett explain the circumstances, which he did without a trace of a Romanian accent.  I looked at the raw scores of ALL of the judges, and when you added them up, the Chinese girl won.  But the rule is to throw out the high and low scores, which they did.  That's when it became a tie.  The tie-breaker is to throw out the next lowest score, and when they did that, He Kexin won.  You may say it's a stupid rule, but it's the rule.  It's not like swimming where they award duplicate medals in a dead heat.  Maybe they will change it for the next Olympics, and maybe they won't.  As for He's age, that doesn't matter to me.  I don't think there should be a minimum age, and if she's good enough to beat the other girls when she's 10 years old, give her the medal.

The final event was the Balance Beam.  Of all the events, this is the one that scares me.  The others all look like fun, but I'm amazed that more girls don't kill themselves falling off that thing.  This would be Shawn Johnson's last chance to win a gold medal.  She is a pixie with what they used to call a Pepsodent smile.  She holds the mythical title of America's Sweetheart, but she is emotionally and physically as tough as any athlete at the games.  She had been rock-solid all week, winning three silver medals, but minor mistakes in each event had kept her from winning the top prize.

Under the pressure of the final event, she gave her best performance of the games.  Next came her teammate, Nastia Liukin, and I found myself hoping she would fall off the beam.  Nothing against Nastia, but she already had the all-around gold medal (which is better) while all Shawn had was more silver than Tiffany's.  In the end, Nastia won the silver medal, and Shawn (finally) won gold.

Bob Costas interviewed her afterwards, along with her coach and...Bela!  Her coach was born in Beijing, and I found him easier to understand than Bela, but that's another story.  Bela described the balance beam as the purgatory of gymnastics...at least that's what I think he said.  He was engaged in Belaspeak, so it's really anyone's guess as to what he actually meant.  But at last there was a happy ending to the gymnastics competition.  And no more Bela.  I think.

 

 

 

 

Another nail-biter for Team USA

Today Team USA played its final game in pool play against Germany.  Let me say up front that German basketball isn't very good.  It's basically Dirk Nowitzki and a bunch of stiffs.  Team USA put the game out of reach early (I mean really early) by jumping off to a 20-3 lead.  For their part, Germany started off badly, and gradually went downhill from there.  The final score was 106-57, and if this game were a fight, they would have stopped it before halftime.

But now that pool play is over, everyone starts with a clean slate in the medal round.  As I mentioned in an earlier entry, Spain only lost one game in Athens and did not win a medal, finishing seventh.  Argentina lost twice, and won the gold medal.  Now it is a single elimination tournament, and every game counts.

The next opponent is Australia, and they aren't very good.  They had only an outside shot at a medal to begin with, and they didn't help themselves by drawing USA in the first round.  The draw is critical, and the Chinese coach understands that.  He is a Lithuanian, and wanted to play Lithuania, not Argentina in the first round.  China had already qualified for the medal round, so he only let Yao Ming play 18 minutes in the final game, which they lost.  The home crowd was not happy to see their superstar sitting on the bench while the team was losing, but the coach is the supreme overlord, and his rule is absolute.  The coach knows the Lithuanian team intimately, and if he knows something and wants to play them, he did what was right for his team, and not the player, even if he is a national icon.

In the end it won't matter, because Team USA looks unstoppable.  Unlike previous editions, this Team USA plays defense.  They have crushed the teams that were supposed to give them trouble, and have won their games by an average of 32 points.  A few weeks ago they played Australia in a "friendly" and won by "only" 11 points.  I predict that the next game will not be so friendly, and Team USA will roll over Australia.

They're showing gymnastics again.  The women, that is...who would watch mens gymnastics anyway?  This means lots of artistic, athletic young women doing all kinds of impossible exercises, sandwiched around my favorite segment of the Summer Games, the Bela Karolyi Interlude.

We were treated to hear from Bela after the vault competition, and again after the floor exercise.  Two helpings of Bela in one night!  My cup runneth over.  First, he directed his wrath at the judging of the vault competition, because Alicia Sacramone finished fourth, and missed out on a medal.  She is a talented gymnast who unfortunately had the worst night of her life in team finals.  If you watched the earlier team comptetition, then you saw Team USA lose the gold medal to China because first she fell off the balance beam, and then landed on her rear end in the floor exercise.  So I'm inclined to think she's actually lucky to make it out of Beijing with a silver medal instead of being covered with tar and feathers.  Actually that's being unfair.  Even if Sacramone had been perfect, the Chinese would have won anyway.  Much as I hate to say it, they were that much better than the Americans.

Bela probably has a point about the judging of the vault competition.  I can't say for sure because I don't understand the first thing about gymnastics.  I have a vague idea that falling down is bad, and costs you points.  Anyway, a Chinese girl who placed ahead of Sacramone nearly fell forward and landed on her face.  And the North Korean girl who won the gold medal landed out of bounds on both of her vaults.  I don't begrudge her the gold medal for doing two crappy vaults, though, because she's from North Korea.  She will probably be the only national hero they have, and she'll receive extra rations of gruel for the rest of her life.

After the floor exercise, Bela was a lot happier.  But then the top three places went to a Romanian and two Americans.  What more could Bela ask for?  I'm not saying he's a homer, but his reporting of gymnastics makes Fox News look fair and impartial.

Another day, another blowout

This time it was mighty Spain.  Undefeated in pool play, the Spanish basketball team ran into a buzzsaw today.  The final score was USA 119, Spain 82, and it wasn't that close.  Spain is one of the gold medal favorites, but they were not even competitive in the second half.  By the fourth quarter, their team's body language was obvious.  The coach looked disgusted, and the players were looking up at the clock and wishing the game were over.

Halfway through the tournament, if I had to pick the MVP, it would be LeBronze James.  He is everywhere on defense, getting steals and blocking shots, and when he drives the lane, defenders bounce off him like pinballs.

There is one more meaningless game in pool play against hapless Germany, and then Team USA will probably face Australia in the first game of the medal around.  Lithuania and Argentina have good teams, and it is still possible Team USA could see Spain again, in the finals.  If the Spaniards wanted the Americans to be overconfident in the event of a rematch, they did a real good job of sandbagging today.

One good feature of the Olympics is that you get to see obscure athletes in sports you'd never watch, or may never even have heard of.  Beach volleyball is such a sport.  Two on a side, on a sand court.  They're dropping baseball from the next Olympics in London, but beach volleyball is in.

Maybe that's just as well, or I never would have heard of the Silent Laciga Brothers.  Paul and Martin Laciga were the best pair of beach volleyballers in Europe, and represented Switzerland in the Olympics twice.  They should probably be called the Battling Lacigas because they hate each other.  They were a tandem for 14 years, and didn't speak to each other for the last 8, hence the name the Silent Lacigas.

It was actually their father's idea.  Instead of arguing and screaming at each other, he suggested that they not speak to each other.  Their results improved dramatically, and they enjoyed great success, winning more than $1 million in prizes.  They wouldn't speak to each other on the court, or off it.  They stayed at different hotels, and never ate meals together.

After the 2004 Athens Olympics, they brokeup.  The younger brother (Martin) found a new partner, and when asked if he got sick of Paul at the Olympics, he said, "No, I was sick of him long before that."  Paul retired, and now Martin has a younger partner that he can yell at.  Their opponents' strategy is to go after his partner early in the hopes that he'll make a few mistakes, and then Laciga will start screaming at him.  As entertaining as this sub-plot may be, I won't miss beach volleyball after the Olympics.

I won't miss Bela (the Madman) Karolyi either.  After the Womens All Around Gymnastics Final, they showed video of him watching the performances.  He doesn't bounce around quite as much as the girls, but one of these days he's going to hurt someone in the studio.  The way he was jumping around and flailing his arms, I thought he might actually come flying out of my TV set.

BTW, Michael Phelps won his seventh gold medal.  That's not really news as it falls into the category of "dog bites man."  It's expected.  Michael Phelps losing would be news, like "man bites dog."  But it was his closest race, winning the 100 Meter Butterfly by one-one hundredth of a second, the smallest margin possible.  I've played the finish back on my Tivo several times, and I still can't separate the two of them.  But the touch pad on the wall never lies.  Seven down, and one to go.

My Big Fat Greek Blowout

At last Team USA got another crack at the Greek basketball team that beat them in 2006.  Final score USA 92, Greece 69.  And it wasn't that close.  They pressured the Greeks all game long, wouldn't let them set up their pick and roll offense, and forced 25 turnovers.  The game was over by halftime.

Next up is undefeated Spain, one of the best teams in the tourament, led by Pau Gasol.  First, I think the Spanish shouldn't pose for any more team pictures until they're safely out of the country.  The crowd will be strongly pro-USA for this game.  Second, I think Gasol is about to find out that playing against Kobe isn't nearly as much fun as playing with him.

So far Michael Phelps is 6-for-6 in the pool, with 6 world records, and none of the races have been close except for the 4x100 freestyle relay (thank you again, Alain Bernard.)  He even broke a world record when his goggles filled up with water, something that's happened to me many times.  Goggles filling up, that is...not breaking world records, so I know how annoying that is.  Anyway, I don't think his last two races will be close either.

A word about gymnastics.  First of all, I don't know anything about gymnastics.  There have been some rumors that the Chinese women are under age.  Someone said when they posed for pictures with their gold medals they looked like they were wearing manhole covers.  And when they held up their hands together, they looked like a charm bracelet.

Point to remember:  China has 1.3 billion people.  When you have that many people, some of them are going to be as big as Yao Ming.  And some of them are going to be as small as those gymnasts.  Being young and inexperienced isn't usually an advantage, so I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.  If they can do those routines at age 12 or 13, more power to them.

One last thought on gymnastics:  I'm not so sure having Bela Karolyi doing commentary is such a good idea.  I know he's trained lots of world and olympic champions, but when he gets excited, I can't understand a word he's saying.  I think he's speaking English, but not so you'd recognize it.

Finally, I was looking forward to a Federer-Nadal final.  Federer had to play James Blake in a  quarterfinal match, which should have been no problem since he's 8-0 against Blake lifetime.  Blake beat him in straight sets.  It's been that kind of year for Federer.  However in the overall picture, it was USA vs. Switzerland, so now Blake gets a shot at a bronze medal or better, and since he's been through enough grief in his life, he deserves it.

Sacre blew it!

It was a case of  "open mouth, insert foot." The swimming competition in Beijing is well underway, and Michael Phelps had already won one of the eight events he will enter.  This race, the 4 x 100 Freestyle relay would be his most difficult event.  The French team was favored to win gold. 

The Olympic Aquatic Center, or "Water Cube" as it is popularly known, is as beautiful in design as it is in function.  It is basically the Coors Field of swimming pools.  The Water Cube is where world records go to die.  Already in the competition, we have seen records broken by 2-3 seconds.  But things were about to go to an entirely new level. 

Phelps swam the opening leg for Team USA, and with 300 meters completed, the French had almost a full body-length lead on the Americans.  And their champion, the world record holder Alain Bernard, was going to swim the anchor leg.

Prior to the race, Bernard had said "we are going to smash the Americans.  That's why we're here."  Au contraire!  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Jason Lezak was swimming the anchor leg for Team USA, and...Mon Dieu!  The American was gaining on the great Bernard.

Lezak went on to swim the fastest 100 ever.  BTW, it won't count as a world record since only the first leg of a relay race can qualify for some arcane reason.  Maybe there is some time dilation effect, and the time clocks don't work right once the race has started. 

With his final strokes, Lezak caught Bernard, who in the fine tradition of Jean Van de Velde (now there's a name you haven't heard for a while) was out-touched at the wall.  Americans gold, French silver, by less than a tenth of a second.  Many years ago I tried to explain (over and over) to a co-worker that live sporting events were the best drama on television, but his head was made out of lead, so he never understood.  I hope he was watching.

USA 101, China 70

At last the Olympics has started.  The opening ceremony is always something to see, and the Chinese put on an amazing show.  I like to watch the introductions, to see how each country is greeted.  The Chinese applauded just about everyone, including the even the US and France, but not Iran.  

That reminds me:  they REALLY need an alphabet.  For a country that invented gunpowder, the compass, and a million other things, you'd think that some time in the last two thousand years they could have figured out some system of writing that didn't depend on 50,000 little pictograms.

Anyway, due to some vagary of the Chinese written language, Japan entered the stadium right before Taiwan, or as they were forced to call themselves, Chinese Taipei.  Both countries' relationship with mainland China have been...uh...problematic, shall we say?  At least they didn't boo or whistle at Japan; I'm sure many in the audience would have liked to greet the Japanese with automatic weapons fire.  Next came Chinese Taipei, which was not allowed to use their flag, but had to carry something that looked like a placemat from a fast food restaurant.  But they received the warmest welcome of any nation, except for the home team itself.  Perhaps there is still some hope for re-unification.

On to basketball.  As luck would have it, the first opponent for Team USA was the host team itself.  Their superstar center, Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets, had broken his foot during the NBA season, and was far from 100%, but he would have found a way to play in this game even if he were in traction.  This would be the most watched basketball game in history, with an audience of more than 1 billion people.

It was a close game for one quarter, as the Chinese made one three-pointer after another, but they started getting ragged in the second quarter.  The Chinese don't have any depth, and the Americans continued to throw fresh bodies at them, like Dwyane Wade and Chris Paul.  It's a real luxury when you have the best point guard in the world as a backup.  So it started to look like the Harlem Globe Trotters against the Washington Generals.  Once Team USA got its transition game going, and the Chinese couldn't get into their set defense, it was an exhibition of one dunk after another.

By the third quarter the rout was on, but it's important to note that China is not a strong opponent.  They aren't expected to win a medal, and probably won't even make it out of pool play.  But Team USA played well enough to beat anyone, and the officiating was fair.  They actually called Yao Ming on a blocking foul when LeBronze James drove to the basket.  I expected to see some home cooking there.

Next up is Angola, but the real test won't come until the medal round.  Some of the games may be close, but I still don't see anyone beating Team USA.

 

Redeem Team

On 8-8-08 (in China, 8 is considered a lucky number) the Beijing Olympics will begin.  In between the 400,000 sports I've never heard of before, some basketball games will be played.  Enter the Redeem Team.

In 1992, there was the Dream Team.  For the first time, professional basketball players were allowed to play in the Olympics.  That team won its games by an average of about 40 points en route to a gold medal.

How the mighty have fallen.  In Athens (2004) a group of spoiled, arrogant multi-millionaires represented the United States.  Carmelo Anthony guaranteed a gold medal.  When they lost to Puerto Rico, LeBronze James said it wasn't the end of the world.  Then they lost to Lithuania, and they barely made it into the medal round as the last seed in the tournament.

The team that really had the right to be pissed off at this turn of events was Spain.  Along with Argentina and the USA, they were one of the gold-medal favorites, and they were the top seed in the medal round.  The top seed's reward is to play the lowest seed in the opening round.  Sounds fair, since that should be the weakest team in the tournament.  Except in this case, the last seed was the underachieving, but extremely dangerous Team USA.

Worse yet for Spain, the Americans had finally found a sense of urgency, and for once they woke up and played the kind of basketball they are capable of.  Spain was one and done, out of the tournament in the opening round with no chance to win a medal.  Then Team USA reverted back to form, and lost to Argentina in the semi-finals.  They managed to win a bronze medal, and they were very lucky to get that.

Typically Team USA is a collection of all-stars who spend two or three weeks playing together before the Olympics.  Their talent and athleticism has always been so much better than the rest of the world that they could get away with just about anything.  As Inspector Clouseau would say, "Not any more!"

The American team never bothered to learn that the international game is different, never listened to their coaches, knew how to play against zones, or that the international game is more physical, and so on.  It isn't much of a stretch to say theworst guy on the American team is better than the best player on anyone else's team.  And still they lost (three times.)  Prior to 2004, the American basketball team had lost two (2) games in Olympic competition, and in 2004 alone, they lost three.

Now they have a pool of roughly two dozen players who made a three-year commitment in 2005 to play together in the off season, and earn the right to represent their country.  They didn't get off to a good start.  In 2006 they lost the world championship to Greece.  Greece!  Unlike most other countries, there aren't any NBA players on the Greek team.  I didn't even know Greece had a national basketball team.  But they beat the Americans, so this year Team USA had to play in a qualifying tournament just to make it to the Olympics (and they deserved to, just because they lost to Greece.)

But Team USA is in China now, and much as I know better, I am picking them to go undefeated throughout the Games, and win the gold medal.  Why?  Because this time they're prepared, and if they lose again, there will be no excuses.